PRES. CLINTON'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND It's been twenty four months today Since Congress made Bill Clinton pay. They were checking into things for some time. They were looking for a hint of a crime. Now may I introduce to you. The gang you've known for all these years: President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. We're President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. We know you will enjoy the show. President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Sit back and watch the interns go. President Clinton's Lonely, President Clinton's Lonely, President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It's wonderful to see him, It's got to be a thrill. She's such lovely helper there, He'd like to take her home with him, He'd love to take her home. I don't really want to take it slow. This is something that you ought to know. 'Cause I want you now to come along. And I'm guaranteed to raise a thong. Now, let me introduce to you, The one and only Billy C. And President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

A LOTTA HELP FROM MY STAFF What will we do when the pizza is gone? Will you stand up and walk out with me? Give me your hand and I'll show you around, And I know that you'll like what you see. Oh I get by with a lotta help from my staff. Oh I'm gonna try with a lotta help from my staff. What do I do when my wife is away? Does she think that you're there on your own? How do I feel at the end of the day? Does she know what you do when alone? No I get by with a lotta help from my staff. Oh I get high with a lotta help from my staff. Do you need any body? I need a body to love. Could it be any body? I want some body to love. Can you believe in a love at first sight? Hate to say it, but it happens all the time. What do you do when you turn out the light? I won't tell you, 'cause it might be a crime. Oh I get by with a lotta help from my staff. Yes I get high with a lotta help from my staff. Yes I get by with a lotta help from my staff, A lotta help for my staff.

BILLY IN THE SKY WITH LIBIDO Picture yourself in the garden of Eden, With self-juicing mangoes and passion fruit skies. Somebody strokes you, her voice is quite sultry, A girl with erogenous thighs. Strange swirling flowers of lavendar pink Circling surrounding your head. Look for the girl with the stars in her eyes, And you're gone. Billy in the Sky with Libido. Follow her down to a lush flowery bower, Where bakers and barbers are serving up pies. Everyone smiles as you love past the hours, And go so incredibly high. Newspaper writers are seen there no more, No one can take you away. Crane back your head as you peer into clouds, And they're gone. Billy in the Sky with Libido. Picture yourself in a bath filled with Calgon, Your daughter's at Stanford, the wife is bye bye. Suddenly someone is there without robe on. A girl with erogenous thighs. Billy in the Sky with Libido.

GETTING DEEPER I'm getting deeper all the time. I used to pinch girls at school. The other boys thought it was cool. The teachers then heard, they gave me the word, Zipping me up with their rules. I got to admit I'm getting deeper, I'm getting deeper all the time. (Even pinched the nurse). Got to admit I'm getting deeper, I'm getting deeper...and I don't mind. Getting so much deeper all the time. Me used to be horny young Bill. Me never could quite get my fill. You flashed me a thigh, your flesh touched my eye, I'm writing you into my will. I've got to admit I'm getting deeper A little deeper all the time. (Someone find me a nurse.) I've got to admit I'm getting deeper. A little deeper since you've been mine. Getting so much deeper all the time. I used to be cruel with my women, I'd love 'em, and later deny that we ever had met. Man I was dumb but in days that will come, I'll be doing the best that I can. Now I admit I'm getting deeper, A little deeper all the time. Yes I admit I'm getting deeper, I'm getting deeper since you've been mine.

FIXING THE HOLE I'm fixing the hole that my brain lets in, To stop my mind from wandering, Where it would go. I'm filling the crack when behind closed doors, To keep my mind from wandering, Where it would go. And it really doesn't matter, if it's wrong it's right. Where I belong tonight. Where I be long. Silly interns everywhere who long for me and get no care, They know they'll never be behind this door. I'm panting for air in a wonderful way. I let my hands go wandering. Where they would go. And it really doesn't matter, if it's wrong it's right. Where I belong tonight. Where I be long. Silly interns come in here and run your fingers thru my hair, You better stop bcause I'll only want for more. I'm taking my chances in a dangerous way. And hoping I will get away. That's how it will go. I'm fixing the hole that my brain is in, To stop my mind from wandering, Where it would go.

SHE'S LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE Tuesday morning at three o'clock as the day begins, Silently checking her answering machine, Making a call trying to live out her dreams. She breaks down and cries to her good friend, "Linda, the big creep didn't call." Quietly opening her closet door, Checking the dress that she'd hung there before. She (She gave him much of her time.) Is leaving (Sacrificed much of her time.) The White House (He gave her some things that money could buy.) She's Leaving the White House after suffering the louse For so many weeks. Bill is snoring as Hillary gets out of bed that same day. Picks up a big sword that's lying there. Feeling betrayed she is slashing the air, Then breaks down and cries like a drunken banshee "You did it again?!" "How could you treat us so thoughtlessly?" "How could you do this to me?" She (She never thought of herself.) Is Leaving (Never a thought for herself.) The White House (He struggled hard all his life to get off.) She's Leaving the White House and she's leaving this louse. After many years. Thursday morning at nine o'clock not so far away. Ready to keep the appointment she made. Carrying a mike for the CIA. She (What did he do that was wrong?) is having (He'll never say it was wrong.) Revenge (Revenge is the one thing that might scare the guy.) Something inside he had always denied, But now it's out. She's leaving the White House, bye, bye.

BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR. HYDE For the benefit of Mr. Hyde, There will be a show tonight, and it's obscene. Republicans will all be there, Late of Madison Whitewater, what a scene! Over men and women, checking dresses, Lastly to the journey of a cigar. In this way Mr. H will challenge the chief. The celebrated Mr. H. Performs his feats now everyday, It's Monicagate. Republicans will dance and sing As Mr. Hyde looks at her rings. Don't be late! The R's and H assure the public Her seduction will be second to none. But beware, Henry's affair led to a fear! The spin began with five or six, Republicans all know their tricks, they tell the truth: That Mr. H could demonstrate Whatever sins of his didn't rate When just a youth. Being some months in preparation H will make a splendid time for Bill. And tonight Mr. Hyde is topping a gal.

WITHIN YOU OR WITHOUT YOU We were talking about our lives upon the phone, And the things that we must hide when not alone. An illusion. Never glimpse a kiss -- that might be much too much -- they don't even know we date. We were talking -- about the things that we could share -- if we wanted to. A little hug when out somewhere -- who would know? -- Who would know? -- You are just a friend -- They would never guess. Try to understand it's all within our grasp, No one else can then find out. And we'll see how it will turn out very well, And I'll go on within you or without you. We were talking -- about the lust that grew so cold and the Congress, Who play the tapes beyond control. Now they know -- Now they see -- Someone had to talk! When you've seen that it's yourself then you will find the whole truth is waiting there -- And the time will come when you see what you've done, and I'll go on within you or without you.

WHEN I'M EIGHTY FOUR When I get older losing appeal, Many years from now. Will you come around then, will you still want me? Will you help me get up so I'm able to pee? If I'm still sleepin' when noon rolls around, Will you hear my snores? Will you still need me when the nurse feeds me, When I'm eighty four? You'll get older too. So if you say the word. We can share a room. You could be handy taking my pulse, If it seems I'm dead. Then you'd check my vitals, empty out my bag, Grab some clean sheets, make up my bed. Help me with bed sores, clean up my mess, Could you want for more? Will you still need me when the nurse feeds me, When I'm eighty four? Every summer you could take me out in a wheelchair for a ride if it's not too cold. We shall have such fun. Woolen blankets on my knees. Too much wind and sun! Please speak up louder, yell in my horn, If you've something to say. Come a little closer 'cause I still can't hear. I'm just sitting here wasting away. Give me your answer and you will be Mine forevermore. Will you still need me when the nurse feeds me, When I'm eighty four?

LOVELY LINDA Lovely Linda, Pentagon Nothing could come between us. When it got dark I shared my heart with you. Sitting there beside my window. When I got a call from Linda. Taking down the details on her little cassette. With that face, she's kinda equine. Didn't see it when we were speakin'. But picture that I get is of the old gray mare. Lovely Linda, Pentagon. May I inquire obliquely, How come you're free To spend all night with me? Then one night we're out for dinner, Looked at her, she's not a winner. Told her right then that I wished I was blind. Got the bill and Linda paid it. Toward the door, I nearly made it. Then I caught a glimpse of Linda's flabby behind. Oh Lovely Linda, Pentgaon, Where would I be without you? I think you stink but then you say "I'm you."

GOOD EVENING GOOD EVENING Nothing to do but see his wife, how your life's been? Nothing today, she said, no way, where's your boy been? Nothing for you, now what to do? She gave nothing today but that's OK Good evening, Good evening... Ready for work don't wanna go, there's a shut-down. Still at his home he starts to roam, then what he found! Nobody knows the thing he's doin'. Nobody knows the trouble brewin'. Nobody sees it's hard to sleep, When she leaves the grounds she's on the street. Good evening, Good evening... After she's gone he's still turned on But he feels fine. Then he decides to end the night Cop a feel time. Nothing has changed, it feels the same. He got plenty today and that's OK. Good evening, Good evening... People hanging 'round it's nine o'clock Gotta keep the office dark. Everyone he sees says how's your wife. "I've got to leave this tedious life." Somebody needs to have a time, Glad that you're here. Spotting a thong he sings a song, "It's your thang, dear." This is a show, I hope you know. And there's nothing to say but "what a day!" Good evening, Good evening...

PRES. CLINTON'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (Reprise) We're President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band, We know you have enjoyed the show. President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. With eight years now it's time to go. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band. He'd like to do it once again. President Clinton's One and Only Lonely Hearts Club Band. He's huffing 'cause he's near the end. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely. President Clinton's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

A DAY IN THE BIG CREEP'S LIFE I watched the news today oh boy About a president who said he'd stay. And though the news was kind of bad, Well I just had to smile, I knew about his style. He wasn't one like Tricky Dick, He didn't notice that our mood had changed. A crowd in Congress stood and stared, They hadn't known before. Nobody was truly sure If he would be above the law. I read the paper then oh boy Between them all it was just like a war. A crowd of voters turned away, I couldn't help but look, Halls of Congress shook. I'd love to turn you off. Woke up, scratched my head, Dragged myself up out of bed Made my way downstairs and brewed a pot. Drank a spot then noticed I was late. Found my seal and grabbed my case. Didn't have much time to waste. Made my way to the office and called her in, Telephone rang and she took it on the chin. I read the paper then oh boy. Plus 40 presidents and none kicked out. And though their terms were rather small. They all had served them each. Now you know how weird it is when you are one of the ones impeached. I'd love to turn you off.

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