|
|
The
Junk Mail Has Become
a
Lower Grade of Junk |
Certain
hateful individuals
have
it in mind that they're called to "join forces" against
neighborliness,
decency, godliness, and common sense,
to
"safeguard your family's future" against homosexuals
and
anyone else who might also want basic human rights.
GOD
FORBID!!
This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly,
sensual, devilish. (James 3:15)
For such
are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into
the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is
transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if
his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness;
whose end shall be according to their works. (2 Cor. 11:13-15)
In case you can't tell
what it says:
Dr. James Dobson, Dr.
Bill Bright, Larry Burkett, Dr. D. James Kennedy, Marlin Maddoux,
Rev. Don Wildmon
IS
THAT SCARY, OR WHAT?
BUT
READ WHAT THEY'RE UP TO...
|
An Urgent
Message for
Decent People to Pray Against This Garbage |
This
page reproduces some prayers from the great religions of the world,
and inserts some bits about homophobia. Sorry if people are offended,
but in the immortal words of Salmon Rushdie:
(sorry
again, Salmon couldn't be reached for comment).
ANYWAY,
WE NEED TO PRAY!
PICK
ONE, AND PRAY IT!
CHRISTIAN
(Book of Common Prayer):
O
almighty God, who has built thy Church upon the foundation of the
apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the head
corner-stone: Grant us so to be joined together in unity of spirit by
their doctrine against homophobes and other right-wing wackos, that
we may be made an holy temple acceptable unto thee; through Jesus
Christ our Lord.
SHINTO
(Japanese):
I
reverently speak in the presence of the Great Parent God: I pray
that this day, the whole day, as a child of God, I may not be taken
hold of by my own desire, but show forth the divine glory by living a
life of creativeness, which shows forth the true individual. And
while I've got your ear, how about zapping with a little common sense
these cretins who stand in such a non-Shinto way against their neighbors?
MAHAYANA
BUDDHISM (Indian):
The
Tathagata [the One who has found the Truth] possesses abundant
Buddha-powers, and is able to set forth to all beings the doctrine of
the knowledge of the Omniscient. Omniscient, as you know, being
omniscient, means knowing all things. But, Omniscient One, these
bozoes don't seem to know anything, except how to spread their
ignorance and falsehood. How about a little zapping, and you know where.
4
GREAT VOWS OF ZEN BUDDHISTS (Japan):
However
innumerable beings are, I vow to save them;
However
inexhaustible the passions are, I vow to extinguish them;
However
immeasurable the Dharmas are, I vow to master them;
However
incomparable the Buddha-truth is, I vow to attain it.
However
insane these homophobic wackos are, I vow to stand against them.
HINDU
(Rig-Veda):
O
God, Let us be united; Let us speak in harmony;
Let
our minds apprehend alike. Common be our prayer;
Common
be the end of our assembly; Common be our resolution;
Common
be our deliberations. Alike be our feelings;
Unified
be our hearts; Common be our intentions;
Perfect
be our unity. And if you could do something about
These
common idiots, Common Sense would suggest
We'd
be very very grateful.
CHRISTIAN
(George Macdonald, 1824-1905)
O
God of mountains, stars, and boundless spaces,
O
God of freedom and of joyous hearts,
When
thy face looketh forth from all men's faces,
There
will be room enough in crowded marts!
Brood
thou around me, and the noise is o'er,
Thy
universe my closet with shut door.
But,
O God, the wackos are trying to legislate
Behind
everyone's closed doors.
How
about dropping a mountain or a star
On
them, and leaving behind more boundless space?
JEWISH:
Heal
us, Lord, and we shall be healed; save us, and we shall be saved;
for it is You we praise. Send relief and healing for all our
diseases, our sufferings and our wounds; for You are a merciful and
faithful healer. Blessed are You Lord, who heals the sick. And since
you're already in healing mode, we have a few other sickies in mind
who could use a touch, or perhaps a healing wack up side the head.
CHRISTIAN
(Mechtild of Magdeburg, 1210-80):
Lord,
Mechtild of Magdeburg here, since thou hast taken from me all that I
had of thee, yet of thy grace leave me the gift which every dog has
by nature, that of being true to thee in my distress, when I am
deprived of all consolation. This I desire more fervently than thy
heavenly kingdom. Now, speaking of dogs by nature, what's the deal?
God, can't these looney-bins show forth a single whit of human
decency? I mean, c'mon, help 'em get with the program.
ZOROASTRIANISM:
Dear
Ahura Mazda, I begin this day with Thy holy Name. Help me to spend
it usefully. One useful thing, I hope you agree, Dear Ahura Mazda, is
to stand against the intolerance of the right-wing crazies, whose
idea of a good society is where nobody has any rights at all except
they themselves. That's kind of weird, eh? Dear Ahura Mazda?
MUSLIM:
[Prayer
deleted, hoping to avoid any trouble.]
TAOIST
(Chinese):
The
Void Transcendent Mysterious Tao,
In
the beginning gave birth to the One.
The
One, it is primordial breath's beginning!
Therefore
let us light one lamp before Heavenly Worthy
To
illumine the first green ancestral primordial breath's
Coming
forth!
We
speak with our primordial breath
Our
disappointment about the Ones
Spoken
of in the beginning of this webpage.
You
see them lined up on that unillumined envelope,
And
know the Void between their respective ears.
How
about a little retribution on them,
At
least let the goldfish in their ponds die?
GREEK:
Most
glorious of immortals, Zeus
the
many-named, almighty evermore,
nature's
great sovereign, ruling all by law—
OK,
everybody knows you don't exist.
So
skip it. Now let's move on...
MUSLIM
(try again):
Our
Lord, we have believed. Forgive us and have mercy on us. Yours is
the utmost mercy. (Surah 23.109)
BAHA'I:
Make
my prayer, O my Lord, a fountain of living waters whereby I may live
as long as Thy sovereignty endureth, and may make mention of Thee in
every world of Thy worlds. But Lord, some of these kooks and idiots
are out of this world. Not funny, but true.
AFRICAN
(Pygmies, Zaire)
To
thee, the Creator, to thee, the Powerful,
I
offer this fresh bud,
New
fruit of the ancient tree.
Thou
art the master, we thy children.
To
thee, the Creator, to thee, the Powerful,
Khmvoum
[God], Khmvoum,
I
offfer this new plant.
Khmvoum,
how about offering us a little
Break
from these tasteless slimeballs?
CHRISTIAN
(Harry Emerson Fosdick, 1878-1969)
Cure
thy children's warring madness,
Bend
our pride to thy control;
Shame
our wanton selfish gladness,
Rich
in goods and poor in soul.
Grant
us wisdom, grant us courage,
Lest
we miss thy Kingdom's goal.
Lest
we miss thy Kingdom's goal.
[Nothing
to add to that, Amen?]
PHARISEE
(from Luke 18)
God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners,
unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the
week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
(Official prayer, somehow omitted from ADF's recent
mailing. Also omitted, their official poem: "Two Sets of Cloven
Hoofprints in the Sand.")
CHRISTIAN
(George W. Bush)
Now
I lay me down to sleep,
I
pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If
in November I don't win,
I
pray that I will fish again.
CHRISTIAN
(Al Gore)
God,
I
picked Joe Liebermann, like you told me.
Now
it's time for you to keep your end of the bargain.
From
Tipper's and my lips – when not in use – to your ears...
Amen.
LOG-CABIN
REPUBLICANS
God
bless our little cabin and all that goes on within it.
Yes,
Lord, we know it's kind of stupid that we're Republicans.
Since
they'd just as soon deny us our rights as look at us.
Please
forgive us, and bestow upon us a little common sense,
If
you have any to spare and are in the mood for a miracle. |
