It's Open Mike with George W. Bush Not too long ago, speaking of George W. Bush's lack of specifics on his prescription drug benefit plan, Al Gore said Bush needed to "put up or shut up." Bush was offended by Gore's aggressive tone and said "it doesn't sound very presidential." Now we have George W. Bush standing before an open microphone on national TV and pointing out a reporter in the audience as a "major league asshole." (And Dick Cheney standing there agreeing with his boss!) Is this the kind of "presidential" tone Bush was looking for in Gore?

OK, Governor Bush, the microphone is now turned off. Let us know exactly how you feel.... "[Expletive deleted]! You mean the [expletive deleted] microphone was on! [Expletive deleted], man, who's the dumb [expletive deleted] in charge of turnin' on the [expletive deleted] microphone?! Can his [expletive deleted]! We don't need that kind of [expletive deleted] incompetence. I'm [expletive deleted] sick and tired of looking like a [expletive deleted] idiot all the time! I need some [expletive deleted] help here! Can't you stupid [expletive deleted] see we're losin' air here?! They're makin' us the [expletive deleted] laughingstock of the [expletive deleted] nation! And now this [expletive deleted] fiasco! "Can't any of you [expletive deleted] get it right, you dumb [expletive deleted]? Or am I going to have to [expletive deleted] clean house? [Expletive deleted] it all to [expletive deleted]!" POTTY-MOUTH BUSH BACKSTAGE AT A RALLY: "Look there, there's that major league [expletive deleted] from the New York Times waitin' for me again. That stupid [expletive deleted] has been ridin' my [expletive deleted] since the beginnin'! He won't give me a [expletive deleted] break! But just wait, what [expletive deleted] goes around comes around! That son of a [expletive deleted] is gonna get his! Make sure you put that stupid [expletive deleted] on our list, right up there with that other dumb [expletive deleted], Tucker Carlson. "And remember, keep that [expletive deleted] Carlson away from me, after what he [expletive deleted] pulled with that [expletive deleted] article in TALK magazine. Give that [expletive deleted] a little [expletive deleted] access and that's how he repays me. Well, if I thought it'd do him any [expletive deleted] good, I'd kick his bow-tied little [expletive deleted] from here to Austin! He put it out there for everyone to [expletive deleted] see; can you [expletive deleted] believe it? Why didn't one of you dumb [expletive deleted] tell me that [expletive deleted] was writin' down every [expletive deleted] thing I was sayin'? When that [expletive deleted] wrote about me making fun of that goofy-[expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] beggin' for her pathetic [expletive deleted] life, he made me look like a pile of horse [expletive deleted]! And I'll never [expletive deleted] forget it! "So OK, you numb [expletive deleted], all of you [expletive deleted] listen up! Are we on the same [expletive deleted] page now? Now keep your head out of your [expletive deleted] and do somethin' right! I'm payin' all of you out the [expletive deleted] for a job well done, but it seems all I'm gettin' is [expletive deleted] in return!" ON GORE, WHEN BUSH WAS AHEAD: "That stupid [expletive deleted] is never gonna know what [expletive deleted] hit him! We'll nail his [expletive deleted] hide to the [expletive deleted]-house door of that [expletive deleted] Buddhist temple, and we'll take this 'no [expletive deleted] controllin' legal authority' and his [expletive deleted] support of that [expletive deleted] son of a [expletive deleted] Clinton, and we'll shove it down his [expletive deleted] throat. We'll keep puttin' it out there how he [expletive deleted] invented the [expletive deleted] internet. And that a whole [expletive deleted]-pile of other [expletive deleted] we're never going to let him [expletive deleted] forget! We've got those [expletive deleted] tapes where he [expletive deleted] said Clinton didn't [expletive deleted] lie. Go with that first."   ON GORE, WHEN BUSH FELL BEHIND: "What the [expletive deleted]'s going on! It's Labor Day, for [expletive deleted] sake! And we're dyin' here! Is there anyway you dumb [expletive deleted] could please [expletive deleted] do something?! If you want that stupid [expletive deleted] to be president then keep doin' what you're [expletive deleted] doin'! He's a pain in my [expletive deleted], can't you [expletive deleted] people see that? Come on, you sorry sacks of [expletive deleted], help me here! "I want to [expletive deleted] restore some [expletive deleted] dignity to the [expletive deleted] office of President, but I can't very well [expletive deleted] do it with you stupid [expletive deleted] if you insist on keeping your [expletive deleted] heads up your [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]! After four years of that [expletive deleted] Clinton, I want the [expletive deleted] children of this country to have someone they can be [expletive deleted] proud of as President, and someone who won't embarrass their [expletive deleted] parents! "But now I'm stuck here tryin' to figure out if there's a single one of you [expletive deleted] who could pour [expletive deleted] out of a [expletive deleted] boot if the [expletive deleted] instructions were printed on the [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] heel! And I don't think so!"

And, by the way, what kind of brown-nosed, namby-pamby, wishy-washy, worthless yes-man is Dick Cheney anyway? When Bush called the reporter an asshole, Cheney said, "Oh yeah, he is, big time." What was that scandal a few years ago when someone said the vice president needed to walk into the oval office and say, "Mr. President, this is wrong!" What would good old Dick say to good old George W.: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," and then maybe "I was out of the loop on that one." George W. to Dick Cheney: "Dick, it's time for my daily [expletive deleted]-kissing. Down on your knees." "Oh yeah, it is, big time."

BACK TO INDEX PAGE ©2000 NegativeSpin.com "Oh, please Al, don't whip my [expletive deleted]!" Number One Philosopher? "Christ, because he changed my heart." (Must've been a real mess before!) E-Mail: tom@hauntedbookstore.com 9-5-2000