George W. Bush's Brain Still Missing!

SINCE our interview with George W. Bush's brain several weeks ago, things have happened. Or not happened. For Mr. Bush. The brain said it was going home that night, the last we saw it. But apparently it lost its way, or found some other diversion in the night, or ... we don't know. IT'S JUST MISSING. Now we feel somewhat responsible for the candidate's mental troubles and lapses ever since that interview. Afterall, we were the ones who presented it with probably 15 minutes worth of questions. Such a strain would be almost too much for anyone, but with the gyrations Mr. Bush's brain went through, a kind of tumult known best by SWAT teams, without the discipline, obviously the strain was unbearable. We only hope the brain is reading this, and that it will return home as soon as possible.   "Everything seems to be harder without it," somehow Mr. Bush is able to think in its absence. Performance in the debates, forget it! Facts and figures, time to delegate...don't know nothing! The need for handlers, absolutely crucial, (upscaled from supremely crucial). Even sitting waiting, and seeing the commercial "This Is Your Brain On Drugs" brings a tear to the eye, because who knows what kind of people it might be with... "Up the reward!" Mr. Bush's handlers cry. "And check on the possibility of a transplant! Preferably from someone like Alex Trebek this time!" POLICE REPORT; they came over, by the way; checking the facts; hitting the bushes (as they put it); Friday and Gannon by name; "That's right," one of them said in a very serious tone. What was the brain's mood when you saw it last? Fairly distraught at times, always noticeably relieved and glad when a question has been answered. A big look of relief, never wanting to expound beyond the bare minimum answer. Had its ups and downs, like anyone. "Why didn't you report a disembodied brain, one apart from its head?" Yes, that's a tricky one. We're going to come clean and say the true answer was self-interest pure and simple. It was shortsighted, this we know now; we knew it then, too. But it was over 21! "What was the brain's appearance?" Huge, it was huge! Gray matter everywhere. Wall to wall intelligence. That's it, tell 'em what they want to hear, and maybe we'll get off easy. REWARD?! We'll look everywhere. Hanging out at an elementary school library, at the arcade, maybe at a dollar-theater screening of Dumb & Dumber, visiting Dan Quayle, it's got to be here somewhere! WHAT SHOULD MR.BUSH DO UNTIL HE FINDS IT? Suggestions: •Avoid tough issues •Limit contact with voters •Stick to the script •Depend on handlers (IN OTHER WORDS, WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING ALL ALONG) CALL IT THE "BEING THERE" STRATEGY & THE KNOW-NOTHINGS HAVE THEIR NOMINEE! IF STELLA GOT HER GROOVE BACK, ISN'T GEORGE W. ENTITLED TO RECOVERY OF HIS PRECIOUS BRAIN?!