Deep in the Heart of George W. Bush

Deep in the Heart of George W. Bush

More than any other candidate, George W. Bush has pointed to his heart as the key to who he is and why America should elect him president.

As America's first compassionate conservative, Gov. Bush's heart overflows with love for everyone. And as the "Reformer with Results" his heart is behind it all.

So whether the issue has to do with racial bias, opposition to people of different religious groups, or mercilessly smearing John McCain, what he often refers to as "mah heart" is what makes the difference.

Gov. Bush's heart has been changed and cleansed and has a clean bill of health. It will make the difference for all of us. Because just as long as he follows his heart, the rest of us are going to be OK.

Listen to Gov. Bush's heart. Hear that steady ka-thumpa-thump? Now listen very carefully. You'll hear his heart speak and tell what goes on ... deep in the heart of George W. Bush.

I'm George W. Bush's heart. I have been asked to speak for the governor. Please pardon my whispering. You know, Gov. Bush refers to me in many of his speeches, and that warms me greatly. So I am very glad to speak to you about him today.

It's true that Gov. Bush looks to me when he needs to make a decision. I've received many calls from him over the years. And with the whole presidential campaign, it's been much more often. Someone raises an issue and Gov. Bush doesn't always know what to do or what to say. He very silently whispers to me, "What answer should I give?" And I whisper back thus-and-such, depending on what it is.

For one example, when John McCain smeared Gov. Bush in the South Carolina primary by questioning his trustworthiness and likening him to Clinton, at first Gov. Bush was livid. I felt myself becoming super-hot, a bad feeling. Then I whispered to him, "Be calm. Take a deep breath. Count to 10." He heard my whisper and whispered back, "What answer should I give?" I felt my counsel was good. I told him to forgive and forget, adding that things like this always happen in politics, but that with his greater grasp of the issues and his better vision for the future of America he would win the day.

But just then Gov. Bush's handlers came in, very frantic, and shouted at him that he needed to hit McCain hard and to hit him again and again. Gov. Bush hesitated, but finally joined in with a very frantic session of brainstorming, adding ideas of his own: "We must never let this insult die! McCain compared me to Clinton, and that's as low as it gets! No one can question my integrity and trustworthiness! That's over the line!"

With that, I knew better than to argue. Plus, the more I thought about it the more I wondered if perhaps they had it right. Afterall, that's why the handlers make the big bucks.

Then there was all that business about John McCain calling himself a reformer. And actually I looked into it a little bit, and it seemed like that was pretty close to the truth. Just because he hadn't accomplished very much doesn't mean he didn't try really hard. He's had the whole "iron triangle" thing to deal with, and it's hard to get other congressmen and senators to vote for cleaning up their own corruption and racketeering, so I felt for him.

Gov. Bush whispered to me one night in a motel on the campaign trail: "It seems like John McCain is getting more popular with this reformer message of his. And that takes away votes from me. What can I do?"

I thought carefully about his question and whispered back, "You are the compassionate conservative. You have many good qualities of your own. Simply accept it that one of Mr. McCain's good qualities is to be a reformer. People will have a choice, but since they seem fairly happy these days, I believe they will value your compassion more highly." With that, Gov. Bush settled in and went to sleep and I was also able to rest.

When morning came, then, the handlers rushed in and were very frantic. "What should we do about McCain? We've got to hit back and hit hard!" I thought I discerned just a little whisper from the governor, but then it was gone. The more frantic they became the more frantic was Gov. Bush. Then one said, "How's this? You are the Reformer With Results! It takes McCain's issue and cuts him off at the legs! We leave him with absolutely nothing!" The governor nodded.

Well, that's what they went with. And who's to say it wasn't actually a pretty good idea?

One of the strangest things on the campaign trail was this whole business about Bob Jones University. We had done poorly in New Hampshire, and I counseled Gov. Bush, "It'll all turn around, just give it time. You're the reformer with results." But the handlers had completely different ideas; they had something more like visions of Apocalypse Now for the governor's campaign. "We'll go to Bob Jones to kick off the South Carolina campaign. That's our base. We'll be sticking it to McCain since they haven't invited him. He'll never live down the snub!"

Of course I felt more than a slight queasiness at these prospects and gave Gov. Bush an urgent whisper or two. He whispered back to me to stay calm, that he'd do the right thing this time. So I relaxed, had a couple drinks and watched his lungs breathe. Everything was fine, or so I thought. But then when his lungs started heaving in excitement, and when the blood started flowing through me like rain through a Mozambique downspout, I knew something was up. The handlers had talked him into it: "Reagan went there, Dole went there, the governor of the state was once within 50 miles of the place..." etc. I whispered, "Just because everyone else does it doesn't make it right."

Alas, it was too late. I knew I should just be quiet. He was going to speak there and I felt I should counsel him at least to condemn their intolerant practices, but I kept my peace. Well, of course the whole thing blew up in his face. Then later I knew he was reluctant to speak to me because of his poor decision. I whispered, "It'll all be OK. But you may have to pay the price." He seemed suddenly distant and wouldn't speak to me.

Part of the price was paid then just after South Carolina. John McCain began a series of ads in Michigan called Catholic Voter Alerts, trying to capitalize on people's fears, suggesting that Gov. Bush is anti-Catholic. The governor was wondering what we should do about it, and to his credit put aside his differences with me and called me once again. He whispered, "I'm not a bigot. I'm not anti-Catholic. I have a relative who's Catholic." Then he became a little angrier, whispering louder, "John McCain has gone over the line. John McCain is questioning my integrity. I'll get him."

I whispered to him, "This is one of those times in life that you need to be the bigger man. Don't pay so much attention to McCain's negative attack. Stay positive. Renounce all bigotry in no uncertain terms, certainly. But press your issues and your great record. The people will decide then if they want his negativity or something better. Declare your compassion, but better show it, starting with John McCain, if need be."

Gov. Bush was suddenly very calm. He was relaxed and determined to be the bigger man. But his handlers came in, of course very frantic, with reports that McCain's charges were hitting us hard. "We've got to hit him back, give him a taste of his own medicine. He's running the Straight Talk Express, that's what he says. But he's only taking the lowest road to the highest office!"

Of course the governor's calm was broken. The frantic handlers got his lines ready, and I saw the notes: "Lowest Road. Highest Office." I thought I heard him whispering to me, but the room was so noisy. Then he went out to meet the press and face the nation, thoroughly denouncing McCain as Clintonesque. Everytime I tried to whisper the counsel I felt he needed, he spoke a little louder, as though he were making a concentrated effort to drown me out completely.

Later back in the room, he whispered to me that he had to do it. I whispered back, "That's OK. Who's to say their idea wasn't better anyway?"

Then it was almost time for New York. And with the big states voting, Super Tuesday and all that, it was time to pull out whatever stops were left. The motto politicians cite is this, "Do what it takes and deal later with the investigation."

Now some of what I have to say here is still fairly confidential, not having yet been ferreted out in an investigation. According to Hoyle, Gov. Bush is not supposed to have any involvement in this $2½ million advertising campaign paid for by friends and associates in Texas. So I'm not going to say whether he had any involvement in it or not. I won't deny it, but neither will I confirm it, that sort of thing.

Anyway, he didn't want to be involved at the first, in part thanks to my counsel, but in part simply because he is basically a good person. At first, he told them all that he didn't care if he became president or not, that he'd go fishing if he lost and that'd be it. (That was something we had whispered about.) But now it's changed somewhat because a lot of people have their hopes set on him winning.

So New York is a major prize. And the ads had to do with John McCain and his record on the environment. For a Republican, his record on the environment is pretty good, but the ads make him look like a cross between the Exxon Valdez, Love Canal, and Chernobyl. This guy is so filthy he actually prefers breathing dirty air. When he goes swimming, if there's no sludge in the water, he sits on the shore and pouts.

Well, before the ads ran (and before he knew anything about them), he whispered to me, "Is it right? Is this the way it should be?" I whispered to him, "I think you know better." "Yes, I do," he whispered. Then I whispered, "Call your handlers and tell them the ad campaign against McCain is sleazy and that you demand it be withdrawn immediately." "That's what I will do," he said in a very determined whisper.

But it wasn't five minutes and the handlers came in the room, all somewhat frantic. "McCain is killing us in New York! He's getting some great endorsements! The polls look bad!" The governor knew that he must speak now or forever hold his peace, yet he couldn't say a thing. He stammered incoherently, which the handlers took as noteworthy pique. "Yes, Governor, I agree with you! We've got to run the ads!" shouted one handler. Gov. Bush cleared his throat and shook off a sheepish, defeated look, and shouted so the whole room could hear it, "Get John McCain!"

Afterwards, much later that night, we were whispering some things back and forth, all completely off the subject. Then he was very direct, "I did it this time, didn't I?" I let a little time pass in silence before I finally whispered, "Well, maybe it's all for the best."

Ahh, back home, pumping in the chest of a great man, maybe someone who'll be the next most powerful man in the world!

Imagine me, I could be the heart of a president! With the vice president only one heartbeat away from the highest office in the land, which I pledge won't be necessary.

Friends, if you elect George W. Bush as president, I willl do my best to give him good counsel. But as should be obvious by now, I can't force him against his will to take it.

What a day for picking daisies, and lots of red balloons.

And what a day for shouting right out loud, I love you.