FLORIDA FRAGMENTS Odds and Ends, Leftovers, Little Bits of Nothing About the Florida Crisis We were engaged in a great controversy after the election, which tested whether our nation – and this would be true of any nation with such trouble – could long endure. We were met on a great battlefield, as it were, in Florida. Here we have come to present a portion of our own feelings on it, with this webpage to be a final resting-place for the things shared during this time our nation lived through. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we do not claim all that much – we cannot brag – we could never compete with the big boys – this small website. The national funny men, Leno, Letterman, and those guys on Saturday Night Live, who struggled in these days have said it all, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here at NegativeSpin.com, but it can never forget what we did here, thanks to a few really good search engines. Now it is for you the reader, here for some unknown reason, to be dedicated to the unfinished work of reading our pages, which we who wrote have thus far so nobly advanced. For our part, we dedicate ourselves as always to one great task, that we might amuse a few as best as we can. To that end, we hope these fragments of our past efforts show our current devotion to that very cause. It may not exactly equal the last full measure of devotion a person could have given, but let us make this perfectly clear, that we hereby highly resolve that these animated gifs and odds and ends shall not have been created in vain – that this website, under God, shall see a new birth of interest and that humor sites such as this, of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the internet.

A+ paper from local middle school 8th grade essay on Election 2000 (tells you everything you need to know) "In your own words, tell about Election 2000, with particular emphasis on the controversy in Florida after Election Day. Give a brief sketch of each of the major candidates and their stands on the issues. Now that George W. Bush has been elected, state your feelings about his upcoming presidency." Requirement: 200 words. In this report I will tell about Election 2000, with particular emphasis upon the controversy in Florida after Election Day. I hope to sketch out a little something about each of the major candidates and their stands on the issues. Lastly, I will state my feelings about the upcoming presidency of George W. Bush, now that he has been elected. Election 2000 saw a contest between Vice President Al Gore and the governor of Texas, Mr. Bush. Each candidate presented himself to the country and appealed for votes. The election then was very close. After Election Day, the eyes of the nation turned to Florida, where the vote was especially close. Mr. Gore sought recounts beyond the mandatory machine recount, hoping to overtake Mr. Bush's slim lead. Both sides spent a great deal of time in court, and the election was ultimately decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. As to the issues, both candidates tried to position themselves close to the ideological center. But Mr. Gore tended to take a more liberal stance, and Mr. Bush was more conservative. Now that Mr. Bush has been elected president, I feel he will try to do his best, and will probably succeed. 200 WORDS!!!!

IT'S ALL OVER FOR GORE!! MOUNT OLYMPUS APPEAL REMAINS LAST, BEST HOPE

GORE APPEALS SUPREME COURT VERDICT TO MOUNT OLYMPUS ZEUS & GODS AGREE TO HEAR ORAL ARGUMENTS DAVID BOIES & TED OLSON FITTED WITH WINGÉD SHOES; HEADING TO GREECE Al Gore's slim presidential hopes are now in the hands of the gods, literally. In a stunning development, the gods of Mount Olympus accepted Mr. Gore's appeal of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling. Arguments are expected within the next couple days, or when Primal Dawn spreads her pink fingers of light on the eastern sky twice. Briefs are due the first time Dawn arises from the couch of her reclining, and if the attorneys are able to wing their way to the god's chambers by then, the hearing is set for the second time Dawn with her finger tips of rose makes the heaven bright. In a short press conference, Olympus spokesman Hermes announced the hearings, possibly Al Gore's last and best hope. Totally nude except for the hat, shoes, and caduceus in his left hand, foot-feather'd Mercury (Roman name) appear'd sublime, light-hearted, active, changeable, and sometimes a little tricky, that is to say mercurial. Like Katherine Harris, he spoke his piece and immediately left the room. One reporter, John Keats, put it this way: "He with his wand light touch'd, and heavenward / Swifter than sight was gone." Swift also was reaction to the announcement. Dick Cheney condemned the action as unconstitutional on multiple grounds, not the least of which has to do with the fact that Zeus and the Greek/Roman gods are not even mentioned in the Constitution. Governor Bush's comment was that whatever Dick Cheney said was OK by him. James A. Baker called a press conference and immediately barfed out that same stream of horse crap of his that we've all come to detest in recent weeks. Vice President Al Gore of course was glad with the ruling, and said he would abide by whatever judgment they make. Sen. Joe Lieberman also praised the Olympus opening, but held out the possibility that if the Gore side lost that perhaps Israel's Yahweh would be receptive to another appeal.

Sec. Baker proper Republican scientists clone James Baker so now there's a Mini-Me, making it possible for him to have more frequent press conferences! Sec. Baker Mini-Me

IF AL GORE WINS NOW IT'LL BE THE BIGGEST COMEBACK SINCE 1940 WHEN THE PODUNK PISSANTS BEAT NEBRASKA 201-200 AFTER TRAILING 200-14 IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! Game as called by Dutch Reagan, WHO Radio: We're entering the fourth quarter of this game, and I think we can pretty much say it's over. The Huskers are up 200-14, and the Pissants are truly a disspirted bunch. Their coach is on the sidelines and I can see he's thrust his head deep in the ice water, and I see what looks like blood flowing from a couple of Pissant wrists.... But back to the game: Nebraska snaps the ball, it's a fumble, and, I don't believe it, the Pissants have the ball....50, 40, 30, 20, 10, he realizes he's going the wrong way! He's turned around: 20, 30, 40, 50, 40, 30, 20, 10, Touchdown! 6 points! ... Now instead of going for two, the Pissants are going for 40, a special rule the Big 2 Conference is testing out for this game only. They're lined up at their own 1 yard line, and they need to go 99 yards to score those precious extra points. Biff Adams takes the ball, he's looking downfield, he looks left, he looks right, as we all know Biff is crosseyed...What's this? Adams at the 1 yard line laterals to his brother Bubba in the back of the endzone! Bubba turns, goes into the hike position, hikes the ball at random, it bounces off a Cornhusker helmet, Biff is running to get out of the way and the ball hits his hand and sticks to a piece of gum he's just taken out of his mouth! He trots all the way down the field for 40 extra points!!! It's Nebraska 200, Pissants 60! I wouldn't count these guys out quite yet! Now looks like the Pissants are lined up for an onside kick, and with a new rule just instituted this quarter, the team that claims an onside kick gets 50 points, plus one point for every yard between there and the goal line should they happen to score! And since there's just a few minutes left, those points could make all the difference! The Pissant kicker Dirk Adams prepares to kick the ball, it rolls exactly 2 yards (new rule this game, unknown to Nebraska), and Dirk scoops up the ball and runs 78 yards down the field for a touchdown! The Pissants get 128 points on that one, with 50 plus 78 being 128! But Nebraska still clings to a lead: 200-188! Now as there's only 5 seconds left in the game, the Pissants are going to need these extra points. Of course we all know if you line up at your own 1 yard line and convert, that's 40 points. But they only need 12 points to tie! A lot easier. The Pissants are doing the only thing they can do. They're going for 2 six times! Yes, that's right! They're lined up with six quarterbacks and six balls! There's the snap, the quarterbacks fall back. But where is the defense?? I can't believe it, the whole line of the Pissants has just sprayed mace in the eyes of the Nebraska defenders! Nebraska is rolling around on the ground in pain! The six quarterbacks are strolling in for the 12 points they need! Where are the referees? How could they miss this?? Wait.....they're conferring amongst themselves. Time has run off the clock at this point. It looks like Nebraska has perhaps won the game afterall. But they're still conferring, and now it looks like a waterboy is running in the official rules. The head ref is looking through the rulebook....and I've got a copy here! He's signalling the game is over -- I repeat, the game is over! -- and the points are good! It's 200-200, at this point a tie! The ref's signalling there's nothing in the rule book that specifically prohibits spraying mace! Wait! Here's a big surprise! One other rule just added, "in the event of a tie, the last team to score is awarded one point and the victory"....That's it!!! It's over!!! The Podunk Pissants win the game! the Pissants win the game! ....201-200....the biggest upset ever!

It's been truly historic in Florida. And we want to preserve as much of it as we can for future generations. To get the full transcript of every James Baker press conference, simply stare at this picture for about 10 minutes (repeat as necessary).

LITTLE KNOWN POLLS FROM ELECTION 2000:

THIS IS HUGE!

FLORIDA OFFICIALS HAVE CONFIRMED IT! THE ELECTION'S BEING DECIDED RIGHT HERE! Katherine Harris, Secretary of State of Florida, confirms that Florida is ceasing all activities related to counting the ballots. Instead, the winner of the 2000 election is being decided here at this very website, NegativeSpin.com. Incredibly, both candidates have agreed to abide by our visitors' decision. The terms are these: There are two similar gloating pages, one for Mr. Gore and one for the other guy. The page that gets the most visits between now and the day of the Electoral College's freshman orientation will be declared Florida's choice and the nation's new president! We repeat: that's the most visits, not the least. But in the event of a tie, Mr. Gore will be declared the winner. And in the event that the other guy is ahead by just a few votes, a handful or so, we'll also give Mr. Gore the victory. Here are the links: Make your vote count! VOTE AT THE GLOATING PAGE OF YOUR CHOICE BUSH GORE Please note: You will be assessed $9.99 on your next phone bill for each vote cast for Gov. Bush. Your vote for Mr. Gore is free of charge. Some of you have asked how we're able to make this $9.99 assessment since it's clearly against the law. Well, we've hired a few Republican lawyers, and .... say-no-more. HOW THE RACE SHAPES UP SO FAR: 512 498 GORE LEADS BY A NARROW MARGIN (taking into account the rule: "And in the event that the other guy is ahead by just a few votes, a handful or so, we'll also give Mr. Gore the victory.")

GO TO THE GLOATING PAGE OF YOUR CHOICE BUSH GORE FAIRLY NEW - REVEL IN BUSH'S VICTORY! OR...NOT TOO OLD - REVEL IN GORE'S VICTORY!

CLICK HERE FOR OUR STUFF ON THE FLORIDA SITUATION IT DOCUMENTS OUR HISTORIC EFFORTS TO SOLVE THE FLORIDA VOTE CRISIS!

BACK TO INDEX PAGE Text, Elements of the Graphics © 2000 NegativeSpin.com E-Mail: tom@hauntedbookstore.com George W. Bush won...isn't that weird? 12-14-2000