The Florida Mess and
Our Personal Heroic, Historic Efforts to Settle It

Those were heady days right after the election. We recall them well. There was a hue and cry from one end of the nation to the other. We thought of staying up all night watching it on TV, that's how weird it was. As it was, we OD'ed on it! And the more we took in the more we craved. Then we thought, 'we will get involved.' Something about 'the power of the pen,' the phrase popped in our head, at least in retrospect it seems like it did and it sounds good. This graphic on "Buchanan Wins" was one of the graphics we worked up. It was like a feverish pitch. Our mind was addled and rattled. The whole point was to speak to the issue of how ludicrous it was that Palm Beach had given so many votes to Pat Buchanan. We hoped we would raise the roof with it, but so far we still haven't had our first letter. The effort, that's what counts, regardless of this persecution of being ignored.

Interesting Phrase Heard on TV Lately:

This phrase of Mike Boettcher we thought was pretty funny. We thought maybe comic relief would win the day. But naturally it didn't.

Then we got to thinking, 'how about if we put together a carefully designed set of graphics?' The idea being, all those idiots out in Internet-land who forward messages to their whole mailing list about lame children giving the best gift of all to their mothers on Mother's Day by giving them a crooked smile, etc., would take these copyright-free graphics and would inundate the world with them. Like we say, those were heady days, so these editorials in graphic form might seem a little overboard now, but not then. Turned out nobody cared, actually.

FREE GRAPHICS TO USE, PASS ON, FORWARD.....
COPY AND SEND

(Please feel free to distribute this graphic. No credit necessary.)

This first graphic, we recycled a graphic from our Junior page. The message in the graphic was a hard-hitting bit of political comment, that G.W.B. if he became president would be illegitimate. We basically don't believe that now because we've cooled off quite a bit. We've warmed up to the idea somewhat, not totally. But at least enough to say that we wouldn't consider him illegitimate anymore. Borderline...but we're giving him the benefit of the doubt.

(Please feel free to distribute this graphic. No credit necessary.)

This one was quite a bit of fun. We looked around for a few minutes for a picture of Slobodan Milosevic. Then we recycled one of our 7 or 8 pictures of GWB, and inserted the phrase as you see it displayed. We thought the STENCIL font would give the impression of street people such as they had in Yugoslavia, tearing down the imperial castle and piling logs in the rotunda and setting 'em afire. Our message is basically clear: power to the people! Some of the excitement of those days is passing now. Our question now is not what you see on the banner; our question now is 'where did all those rioting Yugoslavs go to the bathroom while they were gathered 100,000 in the street?'

(Please feel free to distribute this graphic. No credit necessary.)

This graphic was a lot of fun to do (although our sense that we were about to solve the Florida crisis brought a few beads of sweat to our brow.) It depends on the reader to make certain logical connections and to have a slight grasp of history. First, there's our basic recycled stock photo of Bush once again. That has to be a favorite. At the other end is a picture of Richard M. Nixon. And in the middle, a fish hook. The fish hook (as is the Bush photo) is our own photo. It took some preparation to get that hook ready for the photo shoot. You'll notice it's kind of shiney down by the eye of the hook? Well, that's because this hook was part of a larger bit of tackle. It had 2 hooks on it originally, plus some wire assembly designed to keep the hook from being entangled in brush or rocks (while fishing). We had to work at the hook with a pair of pliers to get all that mess off, which scraped the metal and made it brighter toward that end! Just a little historical sidebar! The blue background was meant to be white, but we're really bad with adjusting color and so it remained blue despite our original intention. A bigger regret than the color mix-up, however, is that this graphic failed to excite our limited readership, and it would seem it also failed to sway the Florida situation one way or another.

We had high hopes for this graphic. What a stunner it is, capturing headlines from an actual newspaper site, etc., then having the stonewall motif around it. We give Bush the moniker "Stonewall George W.," which has to be one of the most wicked digs ever made! And the subtext is fairly spitting mad: "So Much For Honor and Dignity." When we spat out those heartfelt words we were probably at the height, the apex of our anger. The rush we felt made our temples bulge out. The side of our head was throbbing. Sometimes it feels pretty good to be miffed. The biggest let-down about this graphic was that it didn't seem to sway any hearts and minds. Even looking at it now ourselves, we feel like it's kind of cheap and goofy.

Following are our two very earnest editorials on the situation in Florida concerning the mess that followed the election. To recount in case you missed it, it involved the election being very close. This was a time for national handwringing. Then WE entered the "fray" and offered our two cents worth. As it turned out, all parties ignored us. First, you cry when that happens. Then you get angry. Then you threaten to get even. Well, to make a long and personally disturbing story mercifully short, our two cents worth didn't amount to much. Still, we want the record to show this much – by Golly – that we had an opinion and we weren't afraid to express it. So, again, these editorials are very earnest. There's no humor to them, if that's what you're looking for. Strictly civics class stuff here. What we would call common sense, the common sense patriotic perspective. You know there IS right and wrong. We believe we are usually right, and the others go overboard in their predilection, their compulsion to tell bald-faced lies. Such as James Baker. You'd think the guy would have some sense of his place in history....well, anyway, following are our very earnest editorials, posted on the internet as our two cents worth, standing boldly throughout the whole "fray", as it were, evoking zero reaction then or now, which is OK, we guess. Not what we hoped for certainly, but what we got.

FOUR YEARS OF
ILLEGITIMACY?

How do we like George W. Bush's leadership so far? We get the sense here that if people would have seen him like he's been since the election he never would've gotten so many votes! The man appears to have very little sense of seeking justice but is so incredibly self-interested! He ought to be right out in front, insisting that everything possible be done to ensure that America has the President it voted for. If it turns out to be George W. Bush, then let it be. If it's Al Gore, then OK. He should not take the attitude at this point that he's the President-Elect and "that's final." (Maybe he is, but time and the system will work out the result.) We could probably surmise at this point if they had a revote, he'd definitely lose, since people have seen his personal ambition cloud his judgment and sense. The man should ask himself this question: Do I want to hear people referring to me everyday for four years as "the illegitimate President," "the so-called President," and "Governor Bush"? Would it really be worth it to see people with bumper stickers like this: "MY PRESIDENT IS AL GORE!" (?) Again, if George W. Bush ends up being President, we will live with that result. But it needs to be fair, and it needs to be beyond question.

"DON'T BE SO SNIPPY"

That's roughly what was reported that Al Gore said to George W. Bush during their conversation when he retracted his concession. We can only imagine what Gov. Bush had said.

Our true opinion is this: Both men should want an accurate and fair recount and resolution of the Florida votes. We believe Gore does, and that Bush does too, to a point. Bush thinks he's president, and he may very well be. But does he really want to be president when he's not? Doesn't he want us to believe he's actually president for the next four years?

Therefore, he needs to put away talking about his transition team. And certainly his aides need to put away their "spin" that somehow Al Gore is trying to deny the will of the Florida voters. If we do not yet even know what their will was, how can anyone be denying it at this point? This is common sense, of course. But in "spin" common sense doesn't always mean anything. If you simply say something enough times and say it with the right tone of voice, 1) your partisans will pick it upand start repeating it; 2) the simplistic slogan can become widespread and suddenly the general sense. These spinners know these things, so they've unleashed it.

Common sense also says if the situation were exactly reversed, the Bush campaign would be insisting that every absentee ballot be counted, that the ballots be fair, that irregularities be resolved, etc., etc. Can anyone believe they've come so far to say 'oh, we lost by 900 votes....que sera sera" ?! Not when it's obvious this was a vote that can't be believed. They've just recounted 20-30 counties and Gore went up by around 600 votes! Does that sound like it was accurate in the first place?

We repeat: Surely the Bush people want Gov. Bush to be president legitimately. Put the spin away and let the voice of Florida be heard for what it is actually saying. If in the end it says "Bush," then so be it; he will be the President and we will accept that as we should.

Historical sidebar to the earnest editorials: not too bad, but our anger clouded our good judgment, as has often been the case. You ever seen that commercial where the frequent urinaters of America have to haul about their own outhouses? That's how pissed we were. But now we're a lot better.

(Please feel free to distribute this graphic. No credit necessary.)

What a jibe this graphic was. Simple and to-the-point. It made use of GWB's accusation against Gore that Gore used "fuzzy math." We got to thinking, do that literally. Fuzzy numbers. It took longer than it should have to execute, because we accidentally clipped off the tops of numbers, etc., technical glitches, and had to redo it a couple times. By the time we finally got it posted six hours later, the point of our comment was already on every protest sign in Florida, taking away some of the freshness of our statement, earning it no recognition from friend or foe.

WE THINK JEB CAME
UP WITH A FAIR BALLOT

(Please feel free to distribute this graphic. No credit necessary.)

One of the big problems in Florida was the design of the ballot. Our "comment" on it in the form of this graphic was to call into question how straightforward (or not) the ballot was. The point is probably fairly obvious, but with our low opinion of our readership, we would like to continue our explanation. Joe Blow, Mortimer Snerd, and Kilroy are names of nobody. And they get more votes than Al Gore! This graphic failed to move the parties in the Florida situation at all.

There's a real story behind this graphic! We started working on it. Then we had to quit for a while and ride a bicycle through freezing temperatures for about 15 minutes for an emergency. Then when we came home we finished it. It illustrates not only the moving ballot, but the story that follows:

Does anyone remember Abbott and Costello? We thought it'd be funny for one of them to be counting votes and for the other to keep interrupting, so that the vote counter would continually be starting over in his count. Then when he has the whole stack counted, the number is ridiculously low! So that's the point of this article:

Historical point of interest: the actual Abbott and Costello are dead.

(Please feel free to distribute the following article. No credit necessary):

ABBOTT & COSTELLO
COUNTING VOTES IN FLORIDA

Our little scenario presents one Florida vote counter (Costello), somewhat distracted, not exactly giving all his attention to his job as he's also in a sports conversation with a friend (Abbott). (By the way, he's counting Gore votes here.)

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11..."

"Hey, how many games did it take for the Yankees to win the series?"

"Five!, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11..."

"I see. Hey, in the U.S. Open what was it Tiger Woods yelled?"

"Fore!, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11..."

"Remember how great Michael Jordan was? The Bulls had some great championships!"

"Three-peat!, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11..."

"But getting back to the Series. When Clemens threw the bat, they were arguing whether he was trying to hurt the runner: 'Was not, was too, was not, was too, was not, was---' "

"Too!, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11..."

"It was a shame that either team had to lose, but you know how many winners there can be!"

"One!, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.... Well, I've got that stack of ballots counted, and it looks like Gore gets 11 votes."

The sad realization has now sunk in: we are completely powerless to make a difference in the Florida situation following the election. What we need to do is sit back and let the folks who are involved do what they're going to do. Because nothing we do will make a difference anyway. We have no choice but to sit back and let them do whatever. They don't care what we think, and that's entirely appropriate; why should they? We're not as mad now. We've cooled down.