POLITICAL MAXIMS — FORBES EPIGRAMS B.C. Forbes, once the editor of Forbes Magazine, published a book called "Forbes Epigrams – 1000 Thoughts on Life and Business." The copyright date is 1922, dedicated "To Malcolm." Now with another famous Malcolm in the spotlight, it's time to update some of Grandpa's great sayings. So, without further ado, the old .... followed by the new!

Sturdy trees grow slowly. Make President your first elected office. No man is really big who has a small heart. No man is really big who is Ross Perot. Don't expect applause. Deserve it. Don't step on your applause lines. The man of "go" is seldom let go. It all depends on what you mean by the word "is". In the sea of life it is the lightweights who sink and the heavyweights who rise. In the sea of life it is the lightweights who sink and then rise with a third party. Work now, or wince later. Work now, or give your concession speech later. There's only one way to "get there": go to it. There's only one way to "get there": special interest groups. The surest way to get higher up is to cooperate all you possibly can with the higher-ups. The surest way to get higher up is to cooperate all you possibly can with the NRA. Keep your eye on the clock -- in the morning. Keep your eye on the clock -- but not in a Presidential debate. A licking once in a while helps to keep us in condition. Pat Buchanan will be in great condition after 1992, 1996, and 2000. Be more willing to help those who need it than those who don't. We're compassionate conservatives but don't be ridiculous! To mount, accept the Sermon on the Mount as your guide. To mount, have a stump speech that generally promises everything but specifically says nothing. You have no idea how big the other fellow's troubles are. You have no idea how big the other fellow's troubles are without a special prosecutor. Make sure the prize you chase is worth the cost. There must be something wrong with you if you want to be president. We all have bosses. We all have bosses, and now Dan Quayle has his son. The best sleeping-draught is a generous dose of hard work. The best sleeping comes when your partner has erectile dysfunction. When you work, work. When you play, play. Keep them apart. When you work, work. When you play, call in the interns. Try to keep them apart! There's more fun in leading than lagging. There's not much fun for Gary Bauer. Stupidity is most often the result of laziness. The answer: P-O-T-A-T-O. You must manufacture your own joy. The only real joy-factory is within yourself. You must manufacture your own joy. Not from cocaine, boozing it up, or dancing naked on tables. Prove your worth by improving it. Prove your worth by financing your own campaign. Real doers rarely are doleful. Dole won't make it really far. A short temper and a long head rarely go together. A short temper and George W. Bush go together. Only asses bray. Only asses bray, which most campaigns prove. Liars lose out in the end. Liars lose out in the end, thanks to the two-term limit. I asked John D. Rockefeller to what he most attributed his business success. He replied: "To others." Ponder that. It contains deep philosophy for you. I asked George W. Bush to what he most attributed his success. He replied: "To others." Ponder that. It says something. I'd rather be poor and deserve love than rich and deserve hate. I'd rather be poor and deserve love than rich and Ross Perot. The man who harbors hard feelings has a soft spot in his brain. "Jack Germond says if Steve Forbes had not gotten into the race last time, I would have been the nominee," Lamar Alexander says ruefully. (Washington Post, Aug. 11, 1999) Optimism must be based on effort. Optimism must be based on the overnight polls. A big head and a big bank account don't keep company very long. A big head and a big bank account might not lead to a Texas White House. When a man is cocksure that he has "arrived," he soon begins the return journey. When a man is cocksure that he has "arrived," ... (George W. Bush can't do anything to me legally, can he?) Ancestors are initiators. Descendants too often are imitators. First, there was Gulf War I. Descendants too often are imitators. It's better to be straight than smart. It's better to be smart than Dan Quayle. After storm, calm. After striving, success. After storm, calm. After term, jail. To avoid becoming a bore, bore. To avoid becoming a bore, shut up already.