|
Before we get to the debate, let's hear comments of the candidates and their aides picked up backstage on "open mike."
BUSH - Look, dumb [expletive deleted], I told you once before and I don't wanna [expletive deleted] tell you again, I'm goin' on tonight without the [expletive deleted] ElectroDebater 2000, and that's [expletive deleted] final! Didn't ya hear me say 'I'm feelin' very [expletive deleted] ON tonight'?! I feel like things are gonna be all right! BUSH AIDE - "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and —" BUSH - And can the [expletive deleted] Catholic [expletive deleted]!
GORE AIDE - Mr. Vice President, ho-ho, the night is here at long last! Your night! GORE - Uh... what'd you say? GORE AIDE - Ha ha ha, you're not only gonna mop the floor with George W. Bush tonight, you're gonna wax and buff it! People are gonna be eating off it for the next 50 years! GORE - I dunno, I'm not feelin' so good... GORE AIDE - Ha ha, always the kidder! Well, Bush isn't gonna be feeling so good either, not after tonight!
NOW TO THE DEBATE. . . MODERATOR - Each of the candidates has two minutes for an opening statement. And by toss of the coin prior to the debate, it was determined that Governor Bush would go first. Governor, you have two minutes.
Our country is blessed at this time in many ways. We live in a great time, a time of hope and optimism, with the great sense widespread that the future is bright and will be a time of rich opportunity. The next president will be the first president of the 21st century. And as we leave behind one century that has come to be known as the American century, he will lead us into a new one that we believe also can be an American century. America leads the world, I believe, in many ways, and I believe that's the way it will remain, if we all do our part, and if we share in common a great vision. You know, it was Sir Richard Steele who once said, "Every man is the maker of his own fortune." And by that he meant that good things can and do come to those who do their part; good things can be yours if you're willing to work and finally to make it happen. What begins as a vague desire becomes a flickering dream. Then the dream comes into greater focus and becomes a vision. One might say, I suppose, that a vision is a dream that persists, and that to be a true vision it must be something you treasure and nurture and refuse to give up on. The vision I have for America is that kind of dream, something bright, something that persists. There are some, however, whose "vision" might make us think of Wordsworth when he wrote of a time in his youth when everything around him had "The glory and the freshness of a dream." But when he was older he said, "It is not now as it hath been of yore"; as he said that, these sad words came to him and he was heard to lament, "There hath passed away a glory from the earth." But tonight we must say that an American vision, one that is true to America's "days of yore," is a vision of a bright future, a time even more glorious than we have known before. My friends, I hope to share something of my vision: of affordable health care for all, so that none are without quality care; of educational excellence, because we cannot afford to leave any child behind; and of an America where every person is able to achieve his or her dreams, and perhaps exceed them and go on to new dreams! MODERATOR - Mr. Gore, you have two minutes.
MODERATOR - Still about a minute.
MODERATOR - We'll proceed to our first question, for Mr. Gore. You will have one minute for your response, then Mr. Bush will have one minute for a rebuttal, and then you'll have another minute to respond to Mr. Bush. GORE - So, give or take, that's about three minutes? MODERATOR - Yes... OK, Mr. Vice President, these are the best of times economically. But it is widely believed that our country faces a moral crisis, oftentimes not so explicitly seen or precisely defined but certainly felt. Do you agree there is a moral crisis, what do you think its roots are, and what do you feel you could do about it if you were elected President? GORE - That is a very very good question, and one that concerns all of us, uh, very much. What is a moral crisis? Are we in one? What do we do about it? A moral crisis comes in different ways and for different reasons, I would say if I had to guess. But certainly it must be dealt with. People need to find their way, you know, best they can. The President can help...which is basically the way it should be.... MODERATOR - Mr. Bush, you have one minute.
Now while we must not be in despair thinking these days are literally the worst of times morally, we could say, as did Thomas Paine, "These are the times that try men's souls." I believe America is suffering to some extent a grave moral challenge that has come primarily by the diminishment of values. There are many reasons for this state of affairs that I don't have time to develop. But just quickly to list a couple: 1) the sense that we deserve instant gratification, meaning we shirk the long-term investment of time needed for quality living and the satisfaction that a person gets from such things as deep spirituality, genuine conversation, or reading; and, 2) a lack of involvement interpersonally and between the generations. This might be remedied by inspiring commitment in our young people, and one way for us to do that is to model it, by being involved ourselves with our neighbor for his or her well-being. This in part is what I mean by compassionate conservatism. I believe I can help solve many of the challenges of this moral crisis, and lead our nation into a better time...economically and in every other way. MODERATOR - Mr. Gore, one minute to respond.
MODERATOR - Mr. Bush, we'll present a question now for you. In one of the debates, you were asked about your favorite philosopher, and your answer was "Jesus Christ." But you didn't explain much about what influence he has on your life and how this affects who you are and how you would govern as President. Could you explain some of this, at least a little? BUSH - I would be glad to. Voltaire was a man well known for his skepticism concerning the existence of God and of the value of religion. He is the one who said, "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him," which suggests along with some more modern skeptics – I'm referring to Freud's Future of An Illusion here in particular – that God is not so much the creator of man but man's creation! Wishful thinking, if you will. And yet Voltaire did believe in the power of faith, saying, "Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe." This is something of what it means when one says 'Faith is indomitable.' I believe that, and in the reality of God. For me, faith is a necessary component of life, and definitely for any life of fullness; I believe spirituality of some kind is essential to who we are and what we become. For faith is indeed "The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
MODERATOR - Mr. Gore? GORE - Yes, could I get a refill on this glass of water? Thank you very much. I've drank - or is it drunk - half of it. So, the question should be, 'Is the glass half empty or is it half full?' Something like that... MODERATOR - Mr. Bush, your response?
Editor's Note: We're leaving out the entire middle part of the debate. But to summarize, Governor Bush was extremely eloquent, quoting thinkers, authors, poets, and past presidents, and connecting it all to bold and daring policy views and inspiring promises of marvelous things for America. All quite remarkable! For his part, Vice President Gore seemed off his mark; he glanced at his watch several times and tapped it, declared that Poland and Russia have always been free of Soviet domination, said he wouldn't think twice about it if his wife were raped and butchered, and pointlessly announced that he'd paid for his own microphone. All in all, his truculent, sneering attitude was a huge turn-off.
MODERATOR - We're going to move now to closing statements. And because Governor Bush was first in the opening statements, Mr. Gore was to go first here at the end. But we're going to ask Governor Bush to give his closing comments first, to allow Mr. Gore time to perhaps think of something to say.
But, if they see their way clear to elect me as president, as I hope, I believe our country also will have the kind of leadership it needs for the future. My leadership in Texas has been such that we have good results to show for it. I mentioned the greatly-improved reading skills and test scores in our schools, the progress we've made toward affordable health care for each person, and the general sense of optimism that all Texans and I share. And now I want to share that leadership and my personal demand for good results with the country as a whole.
It was an anonymous poet who spoke so wistfully of "The pleasures of youth / And the tiresomeness of old age." But today I see for America something better, and am reminded of what Oscar Wilde once said: "The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years." What is old is new, what is old is young! Wilde said it had been 300 years, and like waiting for the Twelveth of Never, "That's a long, long time," and you know, it could be a long ways off. Or – and hear me well, could it be? – oh, let me dream, let this dream flicker and persist – together could we? dare we believe?... that it is ... "Just over the next hill, just beyond the next horizon?" If it is, oh, how splendid that'd be! For when we espy it, I know we will traverse the glistening mead of mornin', that we'll dance past the shining rainbow which suffers no change or shadow of turning, and that we'll behold it coming into glorious view: "A city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God!" My friends and fellow Americans, we can go there, and we will go there, together, perhaps one by one at first but we'll become a streaming mass, and we'll cry together in sweet, ecstatic, reckless abandon with James Joyce's Marion Bloom, "Would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes!" MODERATOR (wiping eyes) - Mr. Gore, your closing comments, sir?
Governor Bush, I'm not a snake, but you are a rat. And it is my fervent wish – call it a dream that persists – that the voters will somehow consume you, eat you, and then either spit you out in disgust, or painfully, and probably having first ingested some kind of prescription-strength laxative, grunt and strain and eventually pass you on through to an ignoble and watery end.
Friends,
I want to be your President [Gore strips off shirt, reveals mass of
chest hair like Austin Powers, pounds chest, does Tarzan yell], and I
don't care who knows about it. Good night. |
|
Sorry
sir, may I see your ticket? |
|
CLICK
HERE
FOR ALL
©2000 NegativeSpin.com
Our closing comments, E-Mail: tom@hauntedbookstore.com 9-8-2000 |
BUSH
- I want to thank the commission for arranging tonight's debate
between myself and the vice president. I appreciate very much the
opportunity to go before the American people and share from my heart
some of what my vision is for America if they should choose to
entrust me with the presidency in November.
GORE
- Two minutes? OK, uh, thank you. And to the commission, also I'd
like to say it's good to be here. To the people in the audience, I
thank you for coming. Uh,
"Why-I-Want-To-Be-President-by-Al-Gore"... What else is
there for a vice president to run for? I mean, get real. [Nervous
laughter]. I think that a president is able to do a lot of good for
people, that's one thing. If they have problems, you know,
forget-about-it, problems are bad. And, you know, the constitution
says we need a president, and that he is elected for four years. At a
time, that is. So, you know, there are other reasons I have. I was
able as vice president to see a lot of people in need, various places
I went. So...how much time do I have left?
GORE
- A minute? I'd like to point out Tipper in the audience, and thank
her for being here. Hi honey, would you stand up and be recognized,
dear? [Blows 10-second kiss.] And Sen. Lieberman and Hadassah, would
you stand up, please? Thank you. Good to see you both. OK, I guess
that's about it.
BUSH
- It was Charles Dickens who wrote in his Tale of Two Cities:
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." And
in your question I'm reminded of that when you speak of the best of
times economically. The economy is very important, and at the
present moment it is very good. And we want to strengthen it further.
But just as Dickens spoke of the best of times, he also said it was
the worst of times. This describes America in certain ways concerning
this moral crisis.
GORE
- What Governor Bush said is his opinion, and he's entitled to it. I
feel that I have nothing of any value to add on this subject at this time.
My
faith in Christ is a personal matter, but because it is key to who
I've become and who I am, it means something I must explain. I find
in Jesus Christ the greatest expression of godliness I can imagine,
an example of what humanity can strive toward and ultimately be. His
influence in my life comes not only from his recorded words of wisdom
and instruction in the Bible, but from a personal relationship and
daily walk with him that defies description but is so very real.
Jesus teaches us, for example, that his followers are recognized by
the love they share, an awesome truth! And I want that kind of
philosophy to guide me, but like the Apostle Paul might say, this is
not something I have fully apprehended but something toward which I
still strive. As president, I will be guided by this kind of faith
and wisdom, the wisdom of the ages. Like Robert Browning says,
"Our times are in His hand," and when this is true, the
rest is true: "The best is yet to be."
BUSH
- I believe it was William Shakespeare...in Anthony and Cleopatra
to be exact...who wrote of how our senses sometimes perceive things
that aren't objectively there. This is what I call humanity's innate
penchant for interpretation and seeking meaning in one's
circumstances. Anthony speaks of this concerning the way we see
clouds and find there the shape of things: "Sometimes we see a
cloud that's dragonish; / A vapour sometime like a bear or
lion..." But then it dissipates, as Anthony also recognized:
"That which is now a horse, even with a thought / The rack
dislimns, and makes it indistinct, / As water is in water." Mr.
Gore's comments on the glass of water reminded me of that last line,
"As water is in water." What does this mean? That it is no
longer distinct or distinguishable; and with the passing of time we
realize the meaning it had was the meaning we found in
it. So, is the glass half empty or half full? This is usually
a matter for subjective judgment, but oftentimes the answer we give
yields an objective meaning. I believe the glass is half full, and I
hazard to speculate that Mr. Gore believes it is half empty. Meaning:
Mr. Gore believes America's best days are behind her, and I say
they're yet to come!
Lord
Tennyson once wrote of Godiva that she was "A sight to make an
old man young." And I like that. For America still has great
things that lie just ahead, that we may see. And when we keep
looking, and looking together, maybe just over the next hill, perhaps
just beyond the next horizon, then we will see that blessed sight.
Then, and only then, may we say that "the sags and crinkles and
dread cares of hoary age" will fall away, and we as a people
will again be young, and that forever.
GORE
- Did he cut into some of my time? I think he cut into some of my
time. Could I get seven seconds added to the clock? He said a lot of
nice things, though...I think...which I will get to... By the way,
can anybody give me a halfway decent answer as to why he got the blue
curtain behind him, and why that stagehand keeps moving it in and
out? I didn't get no blue curtain! ...
